Peanut Butter
by DarknessintheCorners
Summary: Will has a jar of Peanut Butter and refuses to share. Ironhide has Biscuits and refuses to share... Galloways there, and so is Glen.. Not sure why... He just is. SLASH! DON'T LIKE. DON'T READ!
1. Chapter 1

_**Hai! Darkness here, back with ANOTHER collab between myself and ICaughtMyself. This as written in College the same with Shooting Practise and CandyMan. You don't have to read them to understand it but it does help with how Will and Ironhide and Epps and Graham get together. And, sorry for the terrible spelling and bad grammer, i did a half arsed beta myself and yeah... If you do find anything point it out to me and Ill edit it! **_

_**Summary: Will has a jar of Peanut Butter and refuses to share. Ironhide has Biscuits and refuses to share... Galloways there, and so is Glen.. Not sure why... He just is. **_

_**Warnings: Uhm... Lots of swearing and such... Suggestive themes... All that garb. :D ******__**SLASH! YOU HAS BEEN WARNED! IF YOU DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ! SIMPLES!**_

_**Disclaimer: Uhhh... *braindead* yeah... Not Mine. However I do own a jar of Peanut Butter and I did see a GMC topkick once. :D  
**_

**PEANUT BUTTER**

**CHAPTER ONE**

Will sat on the kitchen counter, with a spoon in one hand and a jar of peanut butter in the other, next to him, sat a glass of milk. He was eating peanut butter with a spoon. Ironhide's holoform walked into the kitchen and stopped. He raised an eyebrow and looked at Will.

"Hai, 'Hide" Will said happily. He continued to eat his peanut butter, with the occasional sip of milk to get rid of the sticky bit on the roof of his mouth.

"What are you doing?" Ironhide asked. "Aren't you generally meant to spread peanut butter on toast or something?"

"Yeah... But... you can eat it with a spoon... it still tastes the same, except you Haven't got the taste of the bread, obscuring the peanut butter" will said grinning like an idiot.

"Whatever. I think I'll pass." Ironhide wrinkled his nose in disgust and began to search through the kitchen cupboards.

"You no like my peanuts? Wait... that came out wrong..."

"Oh god... you're in one of these moods again." Ironhide rolled his eyes and pulled a packet of biscuits out of the cupboard. "How did I deal with you last time?"

"Cuz you love me!" Will exclaimed. "Can I has a biscuit?"

"No, because you're going to make yourself sick with peanut butter and milk. And I'm going to laugh when you do." Will pouted.

"You're so mean. I just want one biscuit"

"Well you can't have one. They're mine now." Ironhide smirked and walked out of the kitchen. Will put down his peanut butter and jumped off the counter and tackled Ironhide to the floor

"Gimme. A. Fucking. Biscuit"

"Erm... No."

"fuck you" Will got up off of Ironhide and went and sat on the counter again sulking as he shovelled peanut butter into his mouth.

"You're such a child." Ironhide smiled, getting up and walking back into the kitchen, holding a biscuit just out of Will's reach.

"Fuck You" will grumbled "I'm not playing your fucking games. I just wanted a biscuit to go with my peanut butter, but your such a twat and told me no"

"Like I said: you're a child. I'll go and see if Epps and Graham want to play my games."

"NO!" Will put the peanut butter down. YET again. And jumped on Ironhide. "Mine"

"Oh, so now you love me again?"

"no, I just wanted your biscuits" Will grabbed the biscuits and legged it, locking himself in the bathroom. Ironhide's holoform disappeared. Ironhide took the roof off of the bathroom. Will screamed.

"I thought you weren't allowed to go in robot form in front of witnesses... y'know... the whole... hiding in plain sight kinda thing?"

"You are the only witness."

"What about the people in the other houses, that can CLEARLY see you?"

"Will, this is Diego Garcia. All of them are NEST personnel. They all know about me anyway."

"Oh... yeah... well... OPTIMUS PRIME will shout at you for tearing off the roof... and then Galloway will kill you... he's scary... you can have your biscuits back if I can have one and put peanut butter on it"

"Firstly; Optimus Prime will not shout at me. He will just give me a stern telling off. Secondly; Galloway is not scary and it would be impossible for him to kill me. Thirdly; I was going to give you a biscuit earlier, but you said you weren't going to play my games. You brought all of this on yourself."

"What are you? My dad?" Will held out the biscuits. "here you go then. Now put the roof back before someone finds out"

"Maybe I'll leave the roof off to teach you a lesson."

"but, like you said... Optimus will give you a stern telling off... so... It's on your head" Will put the biscuits down and casually walked out of the bathroom.

Ironhide's holoform appeared in front of Will. "How many stern 'telling offs' do you think I've had? I'm sure I can survive another one."

"How many have you had?" Will put his hands on his hips, and popped his hips to the side.

"Do you really think I've counted?" Ironhide snorted. "I've been alive for a couple of million years. There are a lot of telling offs."

"Oh yeah... well... put the roof back on the bathroom please"

"No, I don't think I will." Ironhide nommed on a biscuit.

"Well.. on your head be it" Will turned and found Optimus behind him, he turned back to Ironhide and found that he was sandwiched between two very proud...very GAY robot holoforms... this was not turning out well.

"Optimus. What brings you here?" Ironhide asked.

"Apparently I need to give Ironhide a stern telling off... What for this time" Optimus said crossing his arms over his chest.

"What the...? Who told you I need a stern telling off?" Ironhide also folded his arms.

"I think he heard us talking 'Hide. AND he tore the roof of the bathroom to get some biscuits." Will said getting out of the way of the senior Autobots. He didn't want people to think he was about to have a threesome with them. Epps would never let him live it down.

"WILL! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU." Ironhide prepared to run after the human soldier

"No, You're not Ironhide. Will run along and go find Epps. I'm sure you two can play for a while if Graham lets you" Optimus said while smirking

"I'M NOT A FUCKING CHILD!"

"I DON'T THINK OPTIMUS MEANT 'PLAY' IN THAT WAY." Ironhide exploded.

"..." Will looked at Ironhide. Then at Optimus who was looking shocked at Ironhide's explosion. Then down at the floor. "I'll be going now" Will turned on his heel and walked off.

"I'm going to kill him..." Ironhide muttered under his breath.

"Why? HE hasn't done anything wrong. All he done was say he wasn't a child. You were the one that exploded for no apparent reason" Optimus sternly told Ironhide.

"He told you I took the roof off!"

"I knew that anyway. I saw you. It just means Will is a honest soldier"

"..." Ironhide blinked at Optimus. "Can I go now?"

"If it's to find will. Then... Yes. But... do anything wrong. And I will tell you off" Optimus said walking off to go talk to Morshower about battle plans.

"Like I'm scared of being told off." Ironhide growled, storming off to find Will.

Will was sitting in the canteen, eating the remainder of his peanut butter jar. Epps and Graham were sitting with him, stealing glances at each other.

"and he just exploded at me for something Optimus said. and all because I took it in the innocent way and not the way Optimus meant"

"Will... Ironhide does have some... anger issues... sometimes." Graham said. he looked at the doors to the canteen. "Oh fuck, here he comes." Will looked over and groaned

"fucks sake. What does he want" Epps said.

Ironhide threw himself down beside Will and threw an arm around Will's shoulders. "Hello, honey."

"What do you want" Will grumbled through a mouth full of peanut butter.

"I wanted to apologise for earlier... and don't worry, I will put the roof back on the bathroom... later." Ironhide smiled.

"Why did you explode? There really was no reason for it." Will said.

"I'm a trigger happy nut-job, okay?" Ironhide said. "I just explode randomly."

"Yeah... But you've never exploded at me... It's always been at other people... I wondered what I had done wrong, I hadn't done anything except take what Optimus said in an innocent way" Will said shovelling more peanut butter into his mouth.

"You made me get told off." Ironhide grumbled, staring down at his lap. "Being told off by Optimus doesn't do much for my dignity."

"What dignity? You have none left. You're a two million old robot... Wow... talk about age gap between partners" Will said. sticking MORE peanut butter into his mouth (**A.N. Darkness: Wow, how much peanut butter has this guy got?")**

"I still do have dignity." Ironhide muttered. "And I have no problem with the age gap... it's just you. Epps and Graham don't have a problem with our age gap either."

"Oh... I don't have a problem with the age gap... if I had a problem I wouldn't be with you now" Will said putting the peanut butter down **(A.N. Darkness: Le Gasp!)** and leant over to the bot and kissed him on the corner of the mouth. "I love you"

"I love you too. Why the hell did you even bring up the age gap? Just because I'm old it doesn't mean I have no dignity. It's likely to mean I have more dignity." Ironhide pulled Will closer to him.

"Epps, I think this is our cue to leave." Graham grinned.

"Yeah man" Epps said. Will kissed Ironhide on the mouth and nibbled his lips.

"BOYS" Galloway shouted. "I will have no Autobot/human intimate relationships" He scowled. **(A.N. Darkness: I love him, he's such a babe).** Ironhide turned to face Galloway and glared at him.

"I hate that man." he muttered under his breath.

"Optimus doesn't have a problem with it. And surely his judgement overrules yours" Will said standing up to face Galloway.

"Don't use that tone on me!"

"Why not?" Ironhide stood up beside Will and wrapped an arm around Will's waist, pulling him closer. "And what's your problem with our relationship? It's none of your business what we get up to."

"Oh... it's my business. One word to the President and you Autobots will be off this planet" he shouted.

"I don't have to talk to anyone to get you off this planet." Ironhide growled.

"EXCEPT FOR ME!" Optimus randomly turned up in his holoform and sternly looked at Ironhide, will and Galloway. "What is going on?" he asked.

"Galloway is saying that intimate Autobot and human relationships are prohibited... is this true?" Will said, pointedly looking at Galloway

"not that I know of" Optimus said.

"Exactly." Ironhide smirked. He nipped Will's ear and whispered, "Galloway wants you all to himself."

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Galloway Shouted. "I will not have any of this. You will break up"

"who says. They are my Autobots... and you never know. Your President might be swinging the same way" Optimus chuckled.

And for some reason Glen was there the whole time, watching this happen... "OOoohhhhh, you got snapped brother. Now, where are my doughnuts" **(A.N. Darkness: I have no idea why he's there... he just is)**

"Glen... just... just no." Ironhide said, shaking his head. Will stood there in actual hysterics.

"Oh, man, I love you Glen." Will said wiping tears from his eyes after his laughing fit. The rest of the soldiers in the canteen were laughing.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Galloway shouted. "I WILL NOT BE MADE A MOCKERY OF. Prime. I expect these two and ANY other couples to be broken up. NOW" and with that little truth nugget, he walked off leaving everyone in shock.

"Well, I guess we could see each other secretly." Ironhide whispered to Will.

"Okay... you're not going to be broken up. He's going to be forced to leave anyway, after I tell his President, what he's been saying" Prime said, looking over at all the soldiers in the canteen.

"Or we could just go and sort him out ourselves." Ironhide suggested, cracking his knuckles.

"I like that idea!" Will piped up, grabbing his peanut butter and shoving more in his mouth

"Exactly. Me and Epps are big, hench and all rawr. I'm pretty sure we can intimidate Galloway." Ironhide said smugly. He high fived Epps.

"Or, you can tell him how many couples he is forcing to break up, and if there aren't many... make some up" Prime said, silently cursing himself, as to why he had to be put with trigger-happy nut-jobs in his army

"You really think he'll care that he's ruining people's relationships? He's a miserable old git." Graham insisted.

"Good point, there Captain **(A.N: Darkness: I don't actually know what rank he is) **don't use, major force, just... threaten him, and if threatens you back... then... tell... I dunno,... Morshower? I can't tell you to beat him up" Prime pondered this for a while, shrugged his shoulders and walked out.

"I still think we should kick his ass." Ironhide muttered.

"I here that one" Epps replied. Glen sat there thoughtfully.

"You could just say that he stole my doughnuts" Glen added.

"..." Ironhide turned to look at Glen. "Glen, we all know it's an impossible task to steal your doughnuts. How the hell would Galloway manage it?" Ironhide placed his hands on his hips. "I'm going to beat Galloway up. Who's with me?" The whole canteen shouted in agreement.

"I'm not" Will said. Shutting everyone up.

"Why not?" Ironhide asked, turning to face Will. "It's a bit of Galloway bashing. Everyone wants to punch that man... he's just one of those people."

"Yeah, but last time I stood up to Galloway, he stripped me of my rank" Will shrugged and continued to eat, his peanut butter.

"Will, I won't let him do anything to you." Ironhide placed a hand on Will's shoulder. "If he even thinks about stripping you of your rank I'll strip him of his hands. Then he won't be able to do it." Will laughed and leant up to kiss Ironhide on the cheek. Ironhide pulled Will into his arms and kissed him on the forehead.

"Can we go now, or are you two just gonna stand there?" Graham asked.

"Yes we can, LETS GO!" Epps said, in a sort of, black man... battle cry... thing.

_**-TBC-**_

_**Oka... end of first chapter. NOW, the same with Shooting Practise i will uplload a chapter a day... and it's only three chapters long. :D **_

_**Hope ya enjoyed it! **_

_**Review? I'll give free Cyber!Cookies! **_

_**xxDarknessxx  
**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**HAIYA! Darkness is BACK with another Chapter of Peanut Butter! This one isn't as long as the Last chapter, but it isn't as long as the third chapter either.. :D **_

_**Summary: Will has a jar of Peanut Butter and refuses to share. Ironhide has Biscuits and refuses to share... Galloways there, and so is Glen.. Not sure why... He just is. **_

_**Warnings: Uhm... Lots of swearing and such... Suggestive themes... All that garb. :D ******__**SLASH! YOU HAS BEEN WARNED! IF YOU DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ! SIMPLES!**_

_**Disclaimer: Uhhh... *braindead* yeah... Not Mine. However I do own a jar of Peanut Butter and I did see a GMC topkick once. :D**_

_**ON WITH FIC!  
**_

**PEANUT BUTTER CHAPTER TWO**

Ironhide kicked down the door to Galloway's office and stormed in.

"What do you want! Do you know it's a federal offence to kick down an officials door? I'll see I have you all fired and locked away for a very long time!" Galloway said.

"Don't you know that it's a stupid idea to try and break every one up and practically take on the whole army?" Epps retorted, standing next to Graham.

"Now, you're going to listen to me." Ironhide growled, pushing Galloway against the wall by his neck. "If you so much as think of breaking me and Will up I will hunt you down and make you sorry. He's the best thing that's happened to me in a million years and I don't want to lose him. just because you're a cruel lonely bastard it doesn't mean everyone else has to be." Everyone stood there in shock. They thought they were going to threaten with words, not actions. Most of the men, started to back away, not wanting to get in the way

"Well, let me tell you, what your doing, is a federal offence, and I can get you sent away and banned from planet Earth. I will get a presidential order to get you banned from planet Earth" Galloway intimidated.

"Everything is a federal offence to you." Ironhide growled and shoved Galloway against the wall again, more forcefully, making a crack appear.

"Oh, Ironhide and his anger issues." Graham rolled his eyes.

"I know right, Gotta love him" Will said, Grinning like a maniac.

"DO YOU HAVE MY DOUGHNUTS?" Glen shouted. Everyone in the room turned around the look at Glen.

"Brother... No one has your doughnuts, you ate them all" Epps said.

"Oh... Dayum" Glen said.

"Anyway..." Ironhide turned his attention back to Galloway. "I'd like to see you try and get me banned from Earth. Remember what I am? I am a robot in disguise. You wouldn't be able to find me to get me banned."

"Uh.. Uhm,... GET OUT... ALL OF YOU... NOW!" Galloway spat.

"We're not taking orders from you." Ironhide declared.

"Uhm... Ironhide... I think we should do what he says" Will said, turning to look in the doorway.

"Boys, it would be nice to know what the hell is going on here." Morshower said calmly. Ironhide blinked at him, still holding Galloway against the wall.

"He's trying to ban all Autobot-human intimate relationships and he's trying to get the Autobots banned from planet Earth" Epps said. Being all manly and black.

"It's nothing different from usual then, is it?" Morshower asked.

"Not really... but, you know how Ironhide is... with all his anger and such" Epps said, looking at Ironhide.

"Yes, I do know how Ironhide is." Morshower sighed. He really couldn't be bothered to deal with this mess today. All he had wanted was a cup of coffee from the canteen.

"So, can I beat Galloway up, or are you going to stop me?" Ironhide asked.

"Ironhide, leave Director Galloway alone. I'm sure I can sort out this mess." Morshower replied. "Will, take him down to Optimus. Tell him that I want to see some punishment. Ironhide can't go around threatening people just because he doesn't like what they want to do."

"Yes sir" Will said, grabbing Ironhide's arm and dragging him to the hanger where the other Autobots were kept. "Optimus? Morshower wants to see Ironhide punished" Will whined.

"Oh thanks a lot Will... you know I'm going to get another stern telling off now, don't you?" Ironhide rolled his eyes. "We should've just disappeared for a while... to help me relieve my stress. We could've come to see Optimus when I had calmed down." Will looked down. Then back up at Ironhide.

"Actually... Prime... Can you give us about... half an hour... I think Ironhide might kill me otherwise" Will said, running away.

"I'll talk to you later Optimus." Ironhide threw him a slopping salute and ran out of the hangar after Will. He tackled him to the floor.

"Wahhhh... What the hell... why tackle me to the floor?" Will gasped.

"Because I like it when you're on the floor." Ironhide murmured and kissed Will on the lips. Will mumbled against Ironhide's lips.

"Yes... but if Galloway finds us... he'll for sure kill us" Will said, arching his back.

"What makes you think Galloway is going to find us?" Ironhide asked, nipping Will's bottom lip. "And besides, who cares if he does? He won't be able to kill us. Morshower's going to set him straight." Will scoffed.

"or gay?"

"What?" Ironhide asked. "When I said set him straight... I didn't mean it like that... oh thank you Will, now I have bad images in my head." Ironhide rolled off of Will onto his back and covered his eyes with his hands, his face contorted in a grimace. Will started laughing.

"I'm sorry" He gasped. "I didn't mean it like that"

"TOO LATE. MY BRAIN IS DYING." Ironhide yelled. "THANK YOU, WILL. THANK YOU SO MUCH."

"Why is Ironhide's brain dying?" Ratchet asked, walking out of the hangar. "Did his CPU crash again? If it did you better let me take him into the med-bay..."

"No, Ratchet... Its a figure of speech... well... I think he's using the human form of that phrase... Ironhide... Honey... Are you okay?"

"MAKE IT GO AWAY." Ironhide yelled. "HAVING AN OVERACTIVE IMAGINATION AND THE WHOLE OF THE INTERNET AT YOUR DISPOSAL IS NOT GOOD."

"Uh... I think he's actually dying"

"Or just overreacting. He's such a drama queen sometimes." Ratchet said. "Ironhide! Are you actually crashing, or are you being a drama queen?"

"FUCK OFF RATCHET."

"He's being a drama queen." Ratchet decided, walking back into the hangar.

"Ironhide... stop being a drama queen" Will said, following ratchet.

"Where the hell are you going?" Ironhide sat bolt upright and called after Will. "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DID THIS TO ME. GET BACK HERE."

"Oh for... FINE!" Will turned on his heel and ran straight into Ironhide. Making his back go back to the ground, he then kissed his lips "Better now?"

"Much better." Ironhide grinned and ruffled Will's hair.

"GAH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING... DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKES ME TO DO MY HAIR IN THE MORNING?" Will shouted, his hands going straight to his hair and attempted to sort it out.

"Will, you never do your hair in the morning. You just walk around with bed hair for the whole day." Ironhide smirked. "Now who's being a drama queen?"

"Shut your face" He said. Nibbling on the soft spot on Ironhide's neck.

"Okay... maybe we should move from the floor to somewhere more private." Ironhide suggested, panting heavily and grinding against Will.

"good plan" They got up to move.

"BOYS! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? I STRICTLY PROHIBITED YOU TO DO ANYTHING INTIMATE" Galloway shouted with Morshower in tow

"wait... I thought Morshower convinced him to let us be together... wait... why is galloways hair messed up... it was fine when we left?" Will said, looking at his partner.

"I don't know..." Ironhide attempted to stop himself twitching and having a fit on the floor again. "Morshower, wants going on?"

"Galloway, I thought we came to an agreement." Morshower said sternly. "These two were going to be allowed to continue their relationship, weren't they?"

"..." Ironhide couldn't suppress his twitch any longer.

"Ironhide... if you need to do something... go somewhere else... for gods sake... We don't need you spazzing out on the floor" Will whispered. "Sir... What agreement did you come to... if it's an agreement... then you need to have done something for it to be agreed?" Will asked. Looking pointedly at Ironhide to see if he needed to die,

"Will..." Ironhide said through gritted teeth. "I can't move. I'm rooted to the spot. Believe me, I want to walk away."

"Erm... that's none of your business, soldier." Morshower said quickly. Will burst out laughing.

"AHAHAHA, I KNEW IT." Will said laughing. Galloway was as bright as a tomato.

Ironhide snapped. As in... couldn't take it anymore. He screamed something at Galloway and Morshower about his CPU crashing and ran to the beach. Ironhide laid face down in the water, trying to calm himself down.

"Will, perhaps you should go and sort him out." Morshower said, a fierce blush on his cheeks.

"Yeaup" Will walked to the beach casually. "Ironhide... are you dead?"

"..."

"Ironhide? I can see you... are you dead?"

"Literally, no. Inside... yes. My soul just died." Ironhide mumbled. Will went and sat down next to Ironhide in the water. And pet him on the head

"There There darling. Don't worry about it. I'll make it up to you" Will said kissing Ironhide on the head.

"I seriously doubt it. Nothing will make this up to me."

"really, You sure?" Will started stroking the holoforms back soothingly.

"I'm sure."

"Hmmm... How about you come with me and we'll go torment Epps and Graham... Will that make you feel better" Will asked, with the continuous stroking.

"Do I get to chase Epps with a spade?"

"Aweeee. Yes you can. If you want to."

"Let's go." Ironhide stood up and helped Will to his feet.

"Thank you" Will stood up on his tip toes and placed a small kiss on Ironhide's lips.

_**-TBC-**_

_**Mwahaha the whole Morshower/Galloway thing HAPPENED BY ACCIDENT! HONEST! Don't hate me -hides-**_

**_The Last chapter will be up tomorrow! _**

**_Review? I just baked a bunch of Cyber!Cookies and I'm giving them out to hungry reviewers! _**

**_xxDarknessxx  
_**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Okay... Last Chapter of Peanut Butter! Hope you've enjoyed it as much I did re-reading it! it makes me Lol everytime! :p**_

_**Summary: Will has a jar of Peanut Butter and refuses to share. Ironhide has Biscuits and refuses to share... Galloways there, and so is Glen.. Not sure why... He just is. **_

_**Warnings: Uhm... Lots of swearing and such... Suggestive themes... All that garb. :D ******__**SLASH! YOU HAS BEEN WARNED! IF YOU DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ! SIMPLES!**_

_**Disclaimer: Uhhh... -braindead- yeah... Not Mine. However I do own a jar of Peanut Butter and I did see a GMC topkick once. :D**_

**CHAPTER THREE**

Graham raised his sunglasses so that he could see clearly. "Hey Epps, Will and Ironhide are coming back."

"Aw yeahhhhh. Maybe they can help me dance to single lay- wait.. Is Ironhide holding a spade?" Epps asked, squinting.

"By the looks of it." Graham answered. "Maybe... he's going to build a sandcastle?"

"With a spade?"

"You never know..."

"right.. I'm not convinced" Epps said sitting down in the sand

"Why not? What else would he do with a spade?" Graham asked. "Besides burying bodies, anyway."

"He might kill someone with it, but to be fair, I don't think he needs a spade to do it, he's _huge_!" Epps commented.

"hey guys!" will said, as soon as he got close enough,

"hey man" Epps said. "hey, Ironhide... why have you got a spade?"

"Because Will said I could chase you around the beach with it to get rid of the bad mental images." Ironhide grinned and shifted the spade to his other hand. "So start running."

"Shit. Imma kill you Will" Epps said before he started running across the beach.

"bahahaha. Awesome" Will said. Ironhide charged after Epps. Will went and sat next to Graham in the sand and opened a can of beer.

"So why did you let Ironhide chase Epps?" Graham asked.

"Because Morshower and Galloway are fucking. And we only found out until me and Ironhide were rolling around on the floor and Galloway had a go and Morshower turneds up and Galloway's hair was ruffled... it mentally scared him... so he said the only way to stop the images is to chase Epps around on the beach with a spade"

"Okay... I don't really understand how that works but... fair enough. As long as Ironhide leaves him intact." Graham sighed. "I guess I'll have lots of bruises to kiss better later."

"haha, I think Ironhide is just gunna rape me. Well... consensual rape" will laughed.

"You can't have consensual rape." Graham scoffed.

"Shut your face" Will fell back and layed back on the sand.

"Haha." Epps ran past them

"can someone PLEASE stop him!" Epps asked.

"Sorry Epps, but I'm not moving." Graham replied. "Keep running, with those hairless legs of yours."

"Hairless?" Will asked watching Ironhide run after Epps like a mad serial killer.

"Yeah... he shaves his legs." Graham burst out laughing, then turned deadly serious. "Don't you dare tell him I told you that."

"Why not?"

"Because he'll probably kill me. He wants to appear all manly and everything."

"fair enough" Will sat up and called over to Ironhide "Ironhide? Thats enough now hunny, come on, you'll wear yourself out, come sit down with a beer"

Ironhide stopped and watched Epps run, then turned to face Will. "Will, you know I don't tire out. I'll be back soon." He called, then continued to chase Epps.

"I know. I just want you back" Will said to know one in particular, and then to Graham "sand isn't particularly comfortable"

"I know. But what else are we going to do?"

"I dunno. Call Epps over, he'll tire out easier than Ironhide." Will said.

"YO, EPPS!" Graham called.

"Yah Babe?" Epps shouted, whilst running from Ironhide.

"GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE."

"OKAY" Epps ran over to Graham and sat down next to his lover. And pecked him on the cheek. "Hey darling"

Ironhide ran over and dropped his spade and rubbed his hands together. "Well that was fun."

"was it sweetheart?" Will asked. "Come here. I want to lean on you"

"Yes, it was fun." He sat down in the sand beside Will. Will leant on Ironhide and kissed his cheek. "Did you have fun?"

"Oh, Yeah. Graham and I drank beer. OH and ironhide?"

"Yes?" Ironhide asked, raising one eyebrow.

"Can I have a puppy? PLEASE? Ohhhh pretty please?" will asked.

"..." Ironhide glared at Will. "No you fucking can't."

"Oh.. Why?"

"BECAUSE – I don't want to be full of dog hair when I have to drive you and this puppy everywhere, I don't want it having accidents on my backseat, who's going to look after it when we're away?" Ironhide took a deep breath. "And I hate animals."

"Well... We'll train him and I'm sure Prowl won't mind taking him when we go somewhere, and we can get Morshower to look after the puppy. AND WHY DO YOU HATE ANIMALS?" will shouted.

"Because they're small and annoying."

"They can be cute and fluffy. Like you" Will said kissing Ironhide.

"I AM NOT CUTE AND FLUFFY." Ironhide spluttered and jumped up on his feet and stormed away.

"wha? IRONHIDE! COME BACK!" Will shouted and ran after Ironhide.

"shit man!" Epps said.

"Well come on..." Graham rolled his eyes. "Ironhide isn't cute and fluffy is he?"

"He is in will's eyes. Always has been" Epps said.

"Yes but... why cute and fluffy? He's big, strong, manly and British." Graham grinned. "Just like me."

"sure, he can be like you, if you took out the big and manly bit. And Will sees past the big bad destructiveness of ironhide. Whereas you arn't big and destructive"

"Oh really?" Graham asked. "I did destroy your bed last night."

"Oh yeah... Good tymez. Oh well... they'll sort it out eventually"

"They always do." Graham pecked Epps on the lips.

Will was running after Ironhide. "Ironhide... For fucks sake... will you stop?"

"No." Ironhide continued walking.

"why not?"

"Because I just need a walk."

"is it because I called you cute and fluffy"

"Partly."

"Come on... Tell me whats wrong"

"It's nothing. Really, just leave me to clear my head. I'll be back in about half an hour."

"Can I come with you babe"

"No... I just want to be alone."

"oh. Okay then" Will turned on his heel and walked off.

Graham looked at Will as he returned. "What's up? You look pissed."

"Ironhide.. Just... Wrote me off... He told me that he wanted to be left alone" Will said, Plonking himself down on the sand.

"Well, sometimes people do just want to be alone." Graham shrugged. "I'm sure he'll be fine again later."

"I hope so" Will said getting a beer from Graham.

"Stop being so pessimistic. He does this all the time. You know he'll be fine." Graham said, punching Will on the shoulder as men do when they're upset or comforting each other.

"Graham... Stop trying to be a man" Epps chuckled.

"I am a man!" Graham's eyes narrowed. "At least I don't shave my legs."

"You Bastard" Epps glared at Graham. "you said you wouldn't tell"

"dude... I already know" will laughed.

"Please don't hurt me." Graham whimpered, edging away from Epps.

"I'm gonna hurt you."

"Oh shit."

"Yeah. Oh shit" Epps said. Glaring at Graham.

"Will... feel like protecting me...?" Graham asked, glancing at the other soldier.

"No... I got my own problems to deal with... Protect yourself"

"Fine." Graham sighed. He had been trying to make Will forget about the Ironhide thing and just have some fun. "See you later." Graham squeaked as he jumped up and ran away.

"You're not really gonna hurt him are you?" Will asked the black man.

"Nahh, I'm just gonna fuck him senseless" Epps grinned. He looked over the beach and spotted Ironhide come back. "Dude. Here comes Ironhide. I'm gonna go and see what happened to Graham"

"I just saw Graham run past me." Ironhide said as he sat down in the sand and crossed his legs. "You should be able to catch him."

"Uhh... He's running away from me" Epps said. "Bye guys!" Epps ran away.

"So. It's just us." Ironhide said.

"Yup" Will said.

"Are you mad at me?" Ironhide asked.

"Yes. I am fucking mad at you"

"Oh here we go." Ironhide rolled his eyes. "Whenever I get mad you get to whine and be all like 'oh Ironhide, I'm so sorry' then when I get mad and go away to make sure I don't end up killing any of you by accident you get pissed at me."

"I don't do that. I wanted to make sure you were okay. All I said was that I didn't see you as a big bad killing machine."

"There's more to it all than that, Will." Ironhide snapped. "For fuck's sake, it always has to be about you. Do you really want to know why I was pissed off?"

"Do it."

"Because I'm jealous, okay?" Ironhide fumed. "I'm jealous of you and Epps and Graham. I don't ever feel like I fit in... I mean... I'm an alien robot and you're all humans. I just feel like an outsider and I wish I had friends like that. Sure, the rest of the Autobots are meant to be my friends but... I don't really feel close to them either. I just needed some time to myself."

"Babe. You're not an outsider. You do fit in. To be fair. Epps and Graham wouldn't be around if they weren't your friends. They don't piss around like that. If you felt like that, why didn't you just tell me?"

"Will – this is me. I have problems expressing my feelings unless it's anger." Ironhide reminded the other man. "And I didn't feel like I could tell you. I was scared of how you would react. You might've ditched me for them. You might've eaten about seven more jars of peanut butter... have you even finished the first one?"

"Yes I did... Oh by the way, We need more peanut butter. And I wouldn't. You just need to learn how to communicate better thats all. I know Graham and Epps won't mind helping if you want it"

"I can communicate just fine." Ironhide insisted.

"I mean... Communicate better within the people"

"Oh. Right." Ironhide said. "As long as I don't have to communicate with Galloway I'll be fine."

"what's wrong with Galloway... He's a babe!" Will exclaimed.

"I. Cannot. Believe. You. Just. Said. That."

"sorry... Uhm... Whats wrong with Galloway then?"

"... Do you seriously like Galloway... in... that way?" Ironhide asked disgust.

"No... Morshower does"

"... I really hate you sometimes." Ironhide grimaced.

"no thats a lie... isn't it Ironhide?"

"Don't patronise me."

"I'm not patronising"

"It sounds like you are."

"I'm not... Honest"

"Good. I want a peanut butter sandwich."

"MY PEANUT BUTTER!"

"Why can't I have any?"

"Because" Will explained, grinning like a moron.

"Because what?"

"Because... its mine"

"So? I shared my biscuits with you."

"You didn't... I had to steal them from you. Then you tore off the roof in the bathroom... which you need to fix... again"

"I didn't say I shared them willingly."

"Fuck your face" Will said poking his tongue out at Ironhide.

"Please, do it for me." Ironhide smirked.

"No. Just... No."

"Ha ha." Ironhide pulled Will into his arms. "So, how about we find Epps and Graham and tell them we're buggering off home to eat peanut butter?"

"... Only if I can eat peanut butter off your chest?"

"..." Ironhide blinked at Will. "What the fuck are you waiting for?"

"waiting for us to get home"

"Well let's go!" Ironhide said, jumping to his feet. "Oh fuck – we need to tell Epps and Graham we're going... erm... hey! Glen's over there! Let's tell him to tell them when they eventually get back."

"Uhh... lets not... Uhm... ill call him!" Will wacked out his phone and dialled Epps's number.

"hello?" Epps answered.

"hey Epps, me and Ironhide are heading off home so I can eat peanut butter off his chest" will said. There was a drawn out silence.

"Dude... Too much information.. just... go. Leave me alone" Epps said. and then he hung up.

"Can we go now?" Ironhide asked.

"Yes... Yes we can"

_**-End-**_

_**WOOT WOOT! It's finished! Hope you enjoyed it! And, ICaughtMyself; We REALLY need to start a new one... Maybe a Leo/Sam? Or a Leo/Simmons? Not fussed.  
**_

_**:D Review? Cyber!Cookies up for grabs! **_

_**xxDarknessxx  
**_


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